Well I have finally done it, started a blog. I read a lot of blogs, but always wanted one of my own, but never felt the need. I now feel the need. I am calling this blog "Gracie, Good Night", 1 because my birth name included Grace, and second I have always love the love affair between George and Gracie
Quick background I am a 44 (soon to be 45 in 3 days... 3 days!!!) mother of twin boys who are adorable and challenging all at the same time. I have been married for 5 yrs in March to a man who walks to his own trumpeter. I would say drummer, but that would way to cliche for him.
I am currently unemployed after working for the same company, and same person for close to 10 yrs. I tired marks are slowly fading, but I can still feel them. Like phantom marks of the bus that ran over me last January. With a quick pat on the back and "see you soon" I was done, out, unemployed. I have only ever been unemployed once in my life. This was so unfamiliar to me. But it was a nice break I have to admit. My husband (let's call him "E" for now) had decided one day that he wanted to be an over the road trucker... just out of the blue. So he signed up for school and off he went. So when my job ended I was alone with two 2 yr olds. They were at this time in full time day care, as I only intended to take a few months off to try and pursue my passion of photography (a story for another day).
Well after a few months I started to look for work again, as the bills needed to get paid some how, and one salary was not cutting it. I was still waiting my severance weeks to end before I could file for unemployment and things were getting tight. I had already been dipping into our savings which was quite substantial at the time. But we were living way beyond our means, and didn't realize this until the major paycheck went away. Well back to the job hunt, turns out my profession was the hardest hit and every business analyst out there was looking for work. And here in NC was no exception. I was looking for months.
My mother in law decided to come up from FL to assist with the boys over Mother's day weekend. It was going to be nice to have a second set of hands for a few days. E was not going to be home for Mother's day yet again. Well this quick little visit turned out to be the worst days of my life, as it changed everything. She actually came up for a little fact finding mission, to see how the boys were being taken care of, and how clean my house was. She obviously didn't like what she saw, so I am not Martha, but I was doing the best I could and we most certainly were not living in squaller. I had kept the boys in full time day as it took us 1.5 yrs to get into this wonderful daycare 7 minutes from the house. I was going to go back to work, soon I was hoping,, so I most certainly could not take them out. My MIL was not happy that they were going to school most of the day while I was unemployed. When she left to fly home, it was all smiles and good byes, and see you soons.
Now this information is coming second hand, as I obviously was not in FL when she landed. According to E, she called him crying and very upset at how the boys were be taken care of. We have a large beautiful home which requires lots of upkeep, and the boys have always come first. If I had to choose between mopping the floor or reading a story to my boys and tucking them in... the boys hands down. Well E was completely upset, and drove straight home for Fargo ND. When he arrived I was not expecting him home for another 3 days, and he said he was taking some time off. "Indefinite Personal leave of absence"... man was I confused on what was happening. He then proceeds to tell me of his mother's perception of things back home, and he was inclined to believe her. We were planning a family vacation to FL in June, but E decided he was going to take the boys down there early, and give me time to "get things in order". What the hell that meant I still have no real idea. I completely disagreed with him taking the boys. There was no need for him to do this. He yanked them out of daycare, and said they would not be coming back. I found out this, only because the daycare workers who liked me called me and told me so. He also called the local PD to tell them he thought I would take his children from him. So, he leaves for 10 days... 10 days without my babies!! I have never been away from them that long. I was devastated and alone. I slipped into a major depression within the first few days. I didn't want to get out of bed, let alone clean a house. I was hardly speaking with the boys, as he wouldn't call me when I told him to. I wanted to talk with them when they woke up, after they ate lunch, after a nap and before bed. There was one day that I hadn't heard from them ALL day. I called at 10pm and someone finally answered the phone. I was pissed to say the least, and he tells his mother in the background that I am crazy and that he couldn't speak. She grabs the phone from him and proceeds to yell at me about how I don't love my kids, and how I stole their college fund money. E was not a big part of the finances ever in our whole relationship, so it came to quite a shock to him when he say how the money had gone. I don't blame him for being upset, but this was between us and not his mother and us.
She then hung up on me, just hung up. I was infuriated to say the least. I called him back the next day told him if he did not have my children back in the state of NC by midnight Sunday I would be calling the police. When he did get home, things had changed dramatically. 3 days after he got home, she blew into town behind him. He said she was there to watch the kids while he "took care of some things"... helllloooo mother on premise. Why did she need to take care of these boys, when I am fully capable of doing so myself. I felt like a stranger in my own home, I wanted so badly to kick her out of my house but I was trying very hard to keep the peace. After all we were still family. I attempted to speak to her one day to "clear the air" and she just went off on me again, in front of my kids this time.
So it turns out the "taking care of things" was to see a family attorney that SHE had paid for. They had secured an attorney while down in FL, and now he was going to see her face to face. I knew something was going on, and I was preparing myself so I myself met with an attorney while he was down in FL. Once I was able to pull myself up and dust myself off, I got right to work. I got all the bank records, and anything else I thought I might need in case it did go where I thought it was going. And it did, thanks to dear old MIL.
I am a child with no parents. I am a child of adoption, of foster care. I am a child of abuse, neglect and abandonment. It was his team against me and only me. But I have always been a fight and always will be, not matter what, as there is no other choice. I had a regular appt with my Dr... yes I am on medication, who wouldn't be after living my life. So my Dr asked that E come with me, and he said yes. The next morning which was the day of the meeting, he said he had spoken to his mother and she advised him that going to my Dr's appts with would not be in his best interest..!!! Say whaaa??! This completely confirmed my suspicion.
I went to my Dr's appt alone that day, but she insisted he come. So she made another appt for him, and would not let me leave until she got in touch with him. He eventually called her back, and said he could not do Monday as he had "things to do". So Tuesday it was.
We go to the appt, and I am completely aware of everyone's intentions and completely depressed about it. I couldn't talk to my husband about it nor anyone else for that matter. As we sat there talking with my Dr she kept asking me if I felt safe enough to go home... in my mind I was thinking ME safe.. my MIL is the one she should be asking that of. However I was just so completely sad and devastated that this was happening that I could not speak. Literally I could not speak. So based upon that, she asked me to sign myself into the hospital, and if I didn't then she would have to keep me there, as it was her duty. So I signed myself in for 72 hours. And to be honest it was the most sobering experience of my life. It really made me find the fight in my gut. I knew what I had to do, and was completely prepared to do so.
I had no visitors except E and that was only when he was forced to. He told me his intentions the day before I was suppose to leave, and that included me not coming home due to the stress level in the house. Unacceptable to me. As it turns out, his mother was showing her true colors, and taking down about me in front of the kids, trying to manipulate E's every decision. The night before he was to come get me, he took her to a hotel as he could not take her constant badgering about me. The morning I was to be released he was an hour and half late. He had to bring the boys, as he gave his mother the phone book, and told her to call herself a cab to the airport, as she was no longer welcome. The man had finally come to his senses!! It was a good feeling, but I knew we still had a long way to go. But as long as she was out of the picture, the better off we were. His parents have been divorced for over 30 yrs, both remarried and living great lives but she still talks about her ex as if it were yesterday. Get over it!! The last we have spoken to her was in July, and I hope she enjoyed those 10 days with them, because as far as I am concerned she will not see them again anytime soon, if ever.
So here we are now into June and E quits his job, the kids are out of school and I am still unemployed. Our only health care was with E's job and that freaked me out. At least there was a local agency that picked up my tab at the hospital and are continuing to do so even now. I could have stayed at the Ritz Carlton for way cheaper and enjoyed myself a lot more. All it was a room with a roommate who snored like a freight train, and timed medication. Had I had my own room, I probably would have caught up on some long needed rest.
I took a job at a local grocery store, part time of course, and living off my unemployment. E has had to cash in some stocks and inheritance money to assist. However, E is a man who can be very impulsive. I most certainly did not spend ALL the money myself. In fact, in the midst of all this crisis, he decides he wants a new car. Keep in mind he had a 2007 car that was paid for, but he had to have a better, faster, and newer car. For the first time, I finally spoke up and said no I don't believe in this. But I knew he was going to do it anyways, as he always does. He drove all the way to GA to get this car, and cashed in 16k of his grandmothers inheritance. We are barely getting by, trying to get a loan modification on our mortgage so we won't loose our house (never missed a payment yet), and he goes out and buys a new car with a 10k deficit. I told him the extra cash in the bank was going to hurt our application for the modification, but he didn't care.
And I was correct, on December 28, 2009 our HAMP application was denied, reason: Too much liquid assets in bank account. Turns out you are not allowed to have more than 3 months of mortgage payments in your account, and we were over by about 1500.00. Within a week, we were now out of the program and Citi was calling us to now assist us in paying back the arrears mortgage, as for the past 6 months we paid 450.00 less than our mortgage was. So now of course they are going to want their money, completely understandable. E cashed in more stocks, I only have a couple of months left on my unemployment. Citi has been completely great about this, they have given us another 4 months of lower payments to give us time to find employment. E has no intention of going back to work, the boys are in a part time school (M, T and W half days). I have had one really good job interview but still waiting to hear back to interview with the hiring manager. I had one scheduled, but she had a family emergency back in Chicago so I was unable to meet with her, I met with her assistant. Who actually was someone I worked with at my old job. This whole thing came out of a referral from an old boss, not the bus driving one, one who really cared.
I am waiting for this job, and on the back burner might be a contract position for 18 months. The first job is 3o mins away, but the contractor one is over an hour. But at this point I will take whatever I can get. I have been apply day after day after day, with usually no response, or a no thank you.
Why do companies post jobs, when they know they have a hiring freeze!!?? It really ticks me off!
Ok well that is my last year in a nutshell.. pretty stressful just reading it, but as of right now I am in a good place. E and I still have our issues, but we are finally seeing a counselor who is right for us. In fact, E is going to start seeing him alone, which I have begged for all along. He needs help with a lot of his issues, blows up way to easily, and in front of the boys. I hate it. This counselor is doing all of this pro-bono... God bless him.
I have a great new circle of friends, and of course older friends who have been there for me since I moved to NC from New England 11 yrs ago.
I hope to be able to update this blog daily, as I truly need a place to put it all down, and I want to start recording the boys and their wonderful personalities that they have developed.
THEY are truly my blessings in life, after all I have been through my entire life, I can honestly say, I DESERVE THEM.
